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INTPMom - Nachtrag

There is an addendum to the article: "INTPMom": My mother is INFP and unfortunately can not speak English, so I have given her the article to read in the German translation. Her opinion was that this is terribly lonely and invented the very nice comparison that INTP / INTJ are lonely castles. Right. In that case, you can go one step further, that either INTx lives alone in the castle - which is not bad at all - or if you find a soul-related INTx, then it is just two, but just as lonely in relation to the world. I had to make it clear to her, that's just how it is, and we do not mind. Well, I would prefer the state of "lonely together" to "lonely alone" and have spun the comparison a little further: The problem is then that the lonely castles also hide and want to be untraceable. I seem to be an exception because I've been hired a barker for a long time (means online dating, blogs ...), unfortunately, but still no one finds me. On the other hand, looking for INTx in the dating portals is fruitless. That, however, is really not logical: Of course, online is pretty frustrating, but better that than nothing and the latter makes really sure that you will not be found. So far, nothing better has occurred to me with better chance of success. It does not work on the street anyway and I can not change my job every few months just to meet other people.

A little later I had the opportunity to throw back my mother's commentary: She has a number of friends, but then she struggles with the fact that these relationships all develop one-sidedly and then it gets very unsatisfactional. The only difference is that I do not do anything with somebody when there is no similarity and common ground, and so I do not have to deal with a relationship that's in distress.

INTPExperience schreibt dazu:

A rational craves a mindmate, and here's an example of what that means. You can put an insanely gorgeous woman in front of me, and, of course, I'll feel desire. For a long time, I thought I would desire her because she was beautiful, but I've learned that's not true. Everyone likes what we find beautiful, that's no secret, but it's just a start. Without realizing it on a conscious level, I would fantasize that her beauty is an indication that her mind is going to match that attractiveness. If she hasn't opened her mouth yet, the fantasy can grow. If she never opens her mouth, that fantasy can become a false truth. She can remain utterly amazing forever. However, if she does open her mouth, or I can observe her actions, something often happens. If her mind turns out to be a turn-off, the attraction will evaporate, regardless of her beauty. Honestly. The sad truth is that I don't think there's a double-bagger solution for anti-mindmates. It's not something that can be ignored. (I should note that the reverse is also true. Mind connections can spark desire regardless of a person's appearance.)

Straight INTx have really their own definition of loneliness and that makes a difference: In the INTJ Facebook group someone has shared a report: 48 hours without mobile and phone. The subject almost had a nervous breakdown. WTF?! The reactions among the INTJs were like this: "Finally undisturbed" "I finally get to read these books" "I still have projects for a few weeks" "The only person I saw last week was the Delivery service from the supermarket"

That's why I still find the twinning relationship described by INTPMom so good: Couple against the rest of the world, that's about what INTx think of a relationship. And otherwise, being alone is not that bad, I've been running behind a creative backlog of a few hundred hours, which I could finally catch up with.


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